March 12, 2011


I hate to be a downer, but I need to vent. And this is, after all, my online journal.

Did you ever want something so bad for your child that it hurt? My girls have gone to private Catholic school all their lives. Pre-K thru 8th grade. We live in a town that seems small, but really isn't. The public school is very large, nearing 500 students per grade.

My oldest daughter thought it would be a challenge to go to this school, to go from being #16 alphabetically in her class to being #359. She familiarized herself with the school, her locker combination, the 1/4 mile walk from her locker to her last class of the day, and her whole day's route. She never got lost once.

But that seems to be where the good part ends. She has been trying and trying to get involved in things. She went out for basketball, didn't make it. Wanted to go out for the musical, was told there were only 20 or so chorus spots that they would be giving to the kids in chorus, which she wasn't in. She applied and jumped through hoops to get into a thing called the "Leadership Academy". Did she make it? No. Which, by the way, all of her friends made any academy they applied for.

My girl has been playing softball since she was 5. To me, this constitutes someone who knows what the hell they are doing. She's been running, going to batting clinics and watching what she eats. She went to five days of try outs in which she caught, threw, batted, dove into the hard floor of the field house and ran up and down stairs in the school. But of course, she didn't make the team. This lousy coach said she needs to work on her arm strength.

Now I have to say that is ridiculous and I know this because I am one of the people in this house who cannot play catch with this girl because she throws so hard, it makes your hand hurt when you catch it. I am so disgusted with this whole thing and this rotten school that has all but spit my daughter out on the sidewalk and run her over with the snow blower.

Now, we are second guessing our decision, which was primarily financial, to send her to this horrible school. Oh, and let's add the fact that all her friends from grade school have abandoned her as well and most of the other kids are so stuck on themselves they won't even giver her the time of day. Isn't this perfect? It's making me sick. I don't know what to say to make it better, like my mother would have. I can't say all this crap about how "God, (whom she has faithfully and dutifully served and followed and believed in, for her whole entire life) has a reason why he wants you to be as miserable and unsuccessful as you possibly can." Now I'm even starting to second guess my faith. I prayed so hard, I couldn't pray any more than I did. And it feels like no one listened. Like there was no one to listen. It's starting to remind me of when my mother was ill and dying. No one listened then either.

Sorry for this somber post, but I don't have anything really good to say today. :( Thanks for listening.


  1. Oh hun, it really does suck that your daughter isn't getting into these classes. Surely there should be enough groups for every child to participate in something, something they enjoy not just get shoved in to. Is there maybe something outside of school she could join? sorry I'm not much help, just wanted you to know that someone is listening.

  2. Oh my, does this ever bring back memories. I am so sorry to hear that the transition has been difficult {both for your daughter and for you}. Continue to shower her with love and support her in trying out for more groups & teams both this year and next. I agree with Amanda that right now might be a great time to explore other options outside of the school.

    I'm right with you in wishing that prayers solved all of our issues. Sometimes, it is VERY difficult to accept that we cannot know God's reason for the challenges he presents us.

  3. me again, it does feel like nobody is listening sometimes but He is. you're both strong and you'll get through it. hugs, suz

  4. I know exactly how you feel...and I hate when people say that because they don't know how I feel. Let me just say, when my mother first became ill, I prayed as hard as I know how, just don't let it be, this, or this, or this....and This and This and This is exactly what happened. As if someone up there was chuckling and saying oh yeah - well here!! I prayed and prayed that my mom would heal, that she would be able to stay with us. But that didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, I haven't resigned myself to her dying but I can say, 5 years later that I know she was suffering so much and God in his mercy took her home. Death is not a punishment and I WILL see her again and forever.

    This is going to be a long answer but I want to let you know that I have been where you are with your daughter...(trying to make this shorter) divorce from my first husband was finalized the day of my mother-in-law's funeral. My daughters were very close to her and that combined with the divorce and the death of a beloved uncle (on the same day) was almost more than my girls could bear. Then my oldest daughter (who had been a cheerleader most of her life) didn't make the team. She started telling me that she wanted to be with her grandmother in heaven. I was terrified, hearing in my head all the stories of teenage suicide. I had had a random conversation one day in my head about getting 6 chicken nuggets in my lunch (instead of the normal 5). Lo and behold, I got to my desk and had 6 nuggets. So one morning, on my way to work, praying for my daughter so hard, I HEARD a voice that told me "Don't you think if I love you enough to give you 6 chicken nuggets, I love you enough to take care of your daughter." Bottom line, that evening out of the blue, someone reached out to my daughter and made her feel special and within a few months we found why my daughter hadn't made the team - it was God's plan as he worked in the life of one of the other cheerleaders on the team. That little girl ultimately dropped off of the team, and my daughter as first runner up, was moved back onto the team.

    So...I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up....God is in control....He has a plan for each and every one of us and even if sometimes we don't understand immediately, sometimes we get to look back and we do.